Now and then I have some fun while a`cooking of a meal,
(Since the oven door’s been fixed and has a better seal)
Its quite sophisticated, this oven with a fan,
It has all kinds of knobs on it to help me cook
I’ve still not worked it all out yet - of where to put the things,
Shove `em in the stove or stick them on the rings.
There is a kind of flap on top, it can be raised or down,
At least when food is
placed above I see it going brown,
Sometimes though I miss it, then commence to cough,
Or alerted by the smoke alarm when the bloody thing goes off,
I leave the back door open now when stuff begins to simmer,
Its best to have a
smokeless zone when I chew my dinner.
I thought I had it conquered, last time I fried an egg,
But I was sure mistaken when it turned out boiled instead,
I cracked it after sausages of frozen beef and pork.…
launched into a frying pan - couldn’t prick`em with a fork,
Then the melting ice - turned water there to boil,
So when I dropped my egg in, it couldn’t find the oil.
There’s problems with the stews as I twiddle with the gas,
They tend to overdo a bit so I stick in some madras,
Add some bits and stir it well until it turns to slurry,
Leave it then for a day or two - that’s
what I call curry,
When I carefully sieve the rice it mainly blocks the drains,
Amid the other drops that fall, leaving brilliant stains.
There are a hundred ways they say, to cook a rainbow trout,
never guess the awful mess when I fry a brussel sprout,
And there is a `gentle pastry` bit that cooks the top all nice,
But the meat that’s underneath it - well I have to do that twice,
Eventually I have a meal among saucepans all
But not so appetising when scooped upon the platter.
I haven’t worked it out just yet - perhaps I am a fool,
What does it need a fan for ? to keep it bloody cool?
Why don’t you use a microwave
? - I knew that you would ask
Its not that I like a challenge to set about a task
Its because I’ve damaged it when something overflowed
Then baked a big potato
and burnt it till it glowed
“Sod it all” I sez to me, “ I’ll wander down the pub,
To sample just a pint or two then order up some grub”.